He didn’t fit the mould, although a beautiful man in many aspects, it was his behaviour that was out of the norm for her. You see, this man knew what he wanted, he even knew how to articulate it and carry it through. It was as if he’d dropped from the sky, like manna from heaven. Here he was, taking her in, allowing her to enter into the deep spiritual crevices of his existence. She didn’t have to guess how he felt about her, it was all evident in his actions, it was more in his look than it was in what he said. She listened to his deeds. There were no blurry lines. She questioned it, but no to him, to herself, to the universe. She unwillingly found herself slipping into that familiar world of doubts, ‘ It’s too good to be true’. The days came, then they went. The weeks came and they too left. He was reliable and all together consuming. She waited for the tragedy, very impatiently waited for him to slither in the ‘men are all the same' mould. She waited to be proved right, as she often was – ‘all the good ones are taken’. She still waits...
You see, she is wired to wonder, it’s in her DNA, it’s scars of the past that she tries to cover with a bold smile and any form of outer armour. They’d loved her and left her before. She too had loved and walked. She’d been used and discarded many a times. There were demons of an evil nature that had been brought about by the past that needed to be suppressed and omitted. She sub-consciously carried pain on her shoulders and constantly fought to keep her head up. She did exceptionally well. So well that nobody ,accept the child she had been, knew just how heavy a burden she was carrying. She never entirely felt worthy of his love but somehow managed to be herself in their relations. She drew from her best and became the woman she thought herself to be. No, she didn’t lack self-confidence and had a healthy esteem – well outwardly anyway. Here was a man who in the first 48hours of exchanging pleasantries declared a desire to spend infinity with her. Slowly, and without pressure, she dropped the protective covering. She found herself unintentionally exposed again. Willing to lick every drop of that syrupy , seemingly unconditionally warm love.
He had this well of wisdom that she constantly drank from. She was never thirsty, in-fact almost greedy and kept wanting to drink till all her insides were drowning and gasping, only coming up for air only when the world needed her. He would talk about what he knows even admitting what he didn’t, she has never come across that kind of honesty and modest strength from a man. She was drawn to his mind, his heart, his compelling aura, his energy and his boundless beauty. She was inspired to trust him, pushed to fall to a soft landing.
Their courtship peaked in winter. It was the warmest she’d ever seen. She felt the heat from inside and it warmed her on the outside and resulted in a glow that even the blind could see. They hadn’t been dating long but from the beginning it seemed their entire relationship was based on painting pretty pictures, filled with colour and texture, of their future together. She felt that although she had made many mistakes in the past, some of which she was still paying for, gravely, there was definite favour from above, she was doing something right as she has now landed this diamond that didn’t need effort nor cutting. It was polished, shiny and with very high carats – more importantly it was hers.
She had never been that sure of a man’s fidelity than at that particular time. His dedication and concern for her were above reproach. He sheltered and protected her, yet he was firm and assertive in order to shake that wall that those gone by had built. Eventually the wall had shaken so much that it began to fall. He saw in her what no-one had seen in her, looking through the eyes of glory and favour.
He was gone by the summer...the wall goes up again. They talk about reasons, seasons and lifetimes. Reason: he came to demolish the wall. Season : to keep her warm in her spiritual winter. Lifetime : to alert her to the fact that its possible to turn bricks into syrup.
You're loved.
M.M
You're loved.
M.M
